Episode 1: Blood in Back Mountain
The cold stung Carla’s skin where his blood had soaked into her clothes. She crashed through the woods as fast as her tired legs could carry her.
“Carla!” His voice roared and echoed on the trees.
She knew these woods better than anyone but hadn’t had time to think. The howl of the wind, every snap underfoot sent a flash of his face through her mind. His mouth was open wide, the handle of the knife jutting out from his belly. Lost in the memory, her foot caught on a root, and the ground seemed to tip toward her. She smashed into it with such force that her good palm burst open.
Carla swallowed back the scream. The silence that followed scared her more than any threats. The silence could mean distance or stealth. She scanned the space around her. Spotting a large hollowed out tree, she army crawled inside.
“Carla. Carino. It’s me. I’m not judging you,” he said just above a whisper.
Carla pressed her bloody palm into her mouth; sweat dripped into her eyes as she stifled the sound of her breaths.
“Carla,” he yelled.
There was the sound of shuffling feet then someone’s body came smashing through the rotting wood next to her head.
Episode 2: Carla
3 Months Earlier
Carla couldn’t get out of her car. She still owned the house her and Marcos shared in Kingston, Pennsylvania, and went there once a week to pick up mail. Still, it didn’t get easier. Memories of the police tape, of Marcos’s body being carried out in that black bag assaulted her senses…and her dreams. She couldn’t let the house go. It had been two years since a torrid affair claimed the life of her other half, and the story was surely old news by now. Carla scanned the streets for the vultures nonetheless. The shit storm had driven her from their home, gotten her fired, and made her a pariah.
Once she’d summoned the courage, Carla swiftly exited her car and grabbed the handful of mail. She shuffled through it, pushing the spam and other unwanted back under the door. Only one envelope made it’s way back to ger car. A letter from the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections. From James. All of the good memories of him were replaced by one – him in cuffs.
When Carla arrived at her cabin in Back Mountain, she scanned the woods. Nothing. She struggled to bring all of her groceries inside in one trip and was finally situated when she pulled out James’s letter. He’d sent one every month since he was convicted for involuntary manslaughter. She had mixed feelings about how good his lawyer was – he’d made Carla out to be a such a villain that by the time the jury had voted, they’d pitied James. Carla tapped the thick envelope in her palm.
She had successfully managed to avoid his letters for the first year, letting them stockpile on the counter. It didn’t feel right to read them in the very place where James killed her husband. When she moved out, the letters had followed her to the cabin – though she didn’t remember packing them. At the one-year mark of James’s incarceration, the media, her friends, Marcos’s family were all still vilifying her, so she drunkenly read them all on her cabin floor.
It was a mistake. Plagued with sex dreams of James that turned into nightmares, she’d spent a month barely sleeping. When she lost yet another job, she took herself to therapy.
“I’m in a better place now,” she told herself. Carla had refrained from any real interaction with the opposite sex, opting instead to work on herself, but now she was lonely.
A part of her thought she could read what she assumed would be loving words and pretend they were from someone else. She’d managed only to get the envelope unsealed before hesitating. Then her phone dinged.
Episode 3: Evan
“That’s a sign if there ever was one,” Carla said to herself. She unlocked her phone to see a friend request. “Evan freaking Rodriguez!” Carla squealed, and immediately pressed accept. As soon as she did a message popped through.
Hi. Bella. You look great. Love to catch up.
Carla felt butterflies in her belly. Her and Evan had only ever been friends, but he’d been an almost constant in her life since fourth grade. She tried to remember the last time they talked…and wondered if he knew about Marcos and James. The only plus side was that Evan was the one person that wouldn’t judge her. Carla needed a friend.
Omg! Call me! – Carla typed but mistakenly pressed send before sending her number.
Guess it’s been awhile. Currently deployed. I can’t call right now.
Carla deflated, and messaged back - what’s new? I thought you’d be out by now.
Almost. Didn’t really have a reason not to re-enlist until now. Anyway, what’s new with you?
Still hiding out after everything, haha. Yeah, in back mountain trying out cabin life. Finally, opened up my own studio. Yoga, I mean.
Hiding out? Oh crap, I have to go. Sorry. I’ll message you later. Promise. I miss you.
Before she could respond, Evan logged off. Carla quickly clicked on his profile. Only the main photo seemed to be up to date. It was a photo of a shirtless Evan in his fatigues and a headwrap. Carla recognized the monument behind him; he was stateside. The sight of sweat glistening off his sculpted chest and abs made Carla inhale sharply. You’re not little Evan anymore. Carla couldn’t reconcile with her body’s reaction. His new physique clashed with her memories of little Evan who annoyed her all through elementary, then again in high school when her family moved back to Jersey City. He was less annoying by the end of fifth grade, and they’d fallen back into their friendship as if no time at all had passed in high school. They were inseparable until Evan met “the crazy one,” and she isolated him from everyone, especially Carla. Unbeknownst to Evan, the crazy one had warned Carla to back off.
“You’re the only one that can’t see he’s been in love with you since 4th grade,” is what the crazy one yelled at Carla when she refused to back off.
Carla wanted to tell her she had zero romantic interest in Evan, but realized that that might be the point. She was standing in the way of Evan having everything he deserved. So, Carla backed off. A few years later they reconnected when Carla found out what the crazy one had done. Her heart ached for him. She shook away the memory and kept scrolling. There wasn’t much and Carla fell asleep hoping desperately that Evan would message her again soon.
***
The next day Carla spent the entire morning refreshing and checking her messages. Nothing came through from Evan, and her heart ached for a friend. She thanked God for the one she had left. Dihah was the only one in their group who actually forgave her for everything with Marcos and James. Some of the others said they had, but they also didn’t return any of her calls or texts.
When she walked into Perkins, Dihah was already inside waiting. Carla breathed a sigh of relief. They hugged, then Dihah said, “Oh.”
“Not over it 100%, but I’m here biotch,” Ruth said from behind Carla.
Carla whipped around and embraced Ruth a little too tightly and too long. She was afraid she was dreaming.
“I’m really, really happy you’re here, Ruth,” Carla whispered as the host seated them.
“I missed you, too, Carla. I just needed time…and there are conditions,” Ruth said, then added, “but we can talk about that another time.”
“Whatever you want. So…do you guys remember Evan?” Carla asked, nervous now about how Ruth might react.
“Oh my God – Little Evan with the hair?” Dihah replied.
“We always thought you’d end up together,” Ruth added.
“Really?” Carla asked. Her brain couldn’t process Ruth’s statement.
“You really are a…how do you say it in Spanish again,” Dihah asked Ruth.
“Tonta. Loca. Simbe…” Ruth started to say when Carla gave her a look.
Ruth laughed and squeezed Carla’s shoulder. Then they all laughed. Carla felt like her old self in that moment, like everything was back to normal – though Cass was missing. That ship had sailed. Cass had told her in no uncertain terms that they were done.
“So, what’s up with him?” Dihah asked. She made a face as if she was about to say something else but stopped. Then, her eyes flicked in Ruth’s direction.
“Last I heard, he was in the Marines,” Ruth said, filling the awkward silence.
“Yeah. He, umm, messaged me last night. He’s still deployed though. It’s been so long since we’ve spoken. It’s funny because I thought of him just the other day. Anyway, take a look at little Evan now,” Carla added, clicking to his profile picture and showing them.
Ruth’s eyes widened.
Dihah whistled. “Well,” was all she said.
They all laughed again, and after considerable more cooing, changed the subject.
When Ruth excused herself to go to the bathroom, Carla quickly said, “I got another one,” then looked over Dihah’s shoulder.
“You’re kidding?! Did you read it?”
“No. Honestly, I thought about it, but then got a message from Evan.”
“Saved by lil’ Evan,” Dihah said, chuckling.
“Quit calling him that. He’s a grown ass man.”
“Still short, though.”
The three women embraced, then went their separate ways. Carla felt like crying as they pulled away. Just as she lifted her phone to send a thank you text, a message from Evan popped through.
Thinking of you. Wil try to message you later.
Carla’s face flushed. She touched her cheek and shook her head. She typed out – can’t wait – but didn’t press send. Teaching three yoga classes after lunch helped clear her mind, but the thought of going back to her empty cabin made her eyes well up with tears. She scarfed down a sandwich on the way home and climbed into bed as soon as she got there. She laid there fidgeting with her comforter. Her skin itched, and when she had adjusted the covering for the third time, she kicked her legs in frantic scissor motions, covered her face with a pillow, and screamed into it.
“Okay. You’re done,” she told herself, then reached into the nightstand for her favorite friend these days. Carla closed her eyes and tried to picture Marcos. As she slid the tool between her legs, she moaned, but when she opened her eyes, it was James on top of her. Carla knew it was wrong but let the fantasy play out. She missed him…and it was the best sex she ever had. When she finished, the edge was gone, but her mind wandered to Evan. She’d missed his call.
The sporadic messages continued for four days. Carla waffled between wanting to ignore him altogether and touching herself at night while looking at his picture. The fantasies of her exes no longer worked. Just when Carla thought she was going to lose it, a call from a weird number buzzed through her phone.
“Hello?” Carla answered wearily. After almost two years of harassment, she had to know if her story had caught the attention of the media vultures again. She held her breath.
“Bella? It’s Evan. Can you hear me?”
“Evan!” Carla squealed.
“I feel like a shithead for the phone tag, but I think I have the best excuse right?” Evan said laughing.
“I can’t talk long, but tell me everything,” he added.
“Evan, I missed you.”
“No, you didn’t. Stop it.”
“Really, I did. It’s been too long since we talked.” Carla added.
Evan laughed.
“Anyway, nothing new really. My…my husband died a few years ago and I’ve just been trying to take care of myself,” Carla said. She didn’t know if Evan knew the whole truth, but for now, Carla needed the delusion of being a normal widow…and she needed this moment.
“I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve just worked my ass off and enjoying life as best I can after everything that happened with you know who. But I actually missed you. I couldn’t sleep the other night, and it made me think of all the nights we chased the sun. By the way, do you know how hard it was to find you on social media? Sheesh! I felt like I was in the CIA. It got a little weird, haha.”
“You just can’t live without me, huh? It’s okay – I’ve been known to have that effect on people. How did you find me, by the way?” Carla asked. She got up from the bed, checked the thermostat, then stripped off her pajamas before climbing back into bed.
“I mean all that matters is that I found you, right? I told you – I always will.”
“That doesn’t sound creepy at all,” Carla said with a chuckle.
“Dang, already forgot our inside jokes. Some best friend you are. What are you doing right now?”
“Just taking off my clothes. It’s really hot in here,” Carla said, running her fingers over her throat. She exhaled loudly.
“Mmm. Don’t do that,” Evan replied.
“Do what?” She replied, wishing Evan could see her mischievous smile.
“You’re smiling aren’t you? All jokes aside, that’s what I miss most. Your smile always felt like…home,” he said, whispering the last word.
There it goes again, Carla thought, feeling a flutter in her belly. Now she was glad he couldn’t see her face.
“Carla.”
“Yes?”
“I have to go. I…have to call my fiancé.”
Episode 4: The Edge
“I’m such an idiot! Yes, Carla, because you guys were going to reconnect after how many years and what, fall in love?! You were only ever friends to begin with!” Carla yelled at herself.
After screaming into her pillow for a full minute, Carla opened the Love Local app in her phone. Dihah had pushed her the last few months to try the new dating app, and she was done letting her past control her present.
“Less pining, more flirting with new people.”
Now that you’ve worked on yourself, it’s time to seek out the available men out there. Her therapist’s words were on repeat for the last month.
“Yeah, and none of them would touch me with a ten-foot pole,” Carla said.
Starting to date again would be difficult – all they had to do was Google her – but after two years, Carla knew she had to try. She clicked away on her phone before she could change her mind, then pressed create.
Having an admin day at work was a blessing and a curse. It meant no yoga to clear her mind, but plenty of time to respond to all the messages she was receiving on the dating app. She’d almost lost it when the third guy asked if she was “the chick that her husband killed.” The idiot had managed to get a second message through before she could block him. He wrote – Don’t worry. I’m not afraid of a little danger.
When her phone dinged again, she was afraid to look. Through squinted eyes, she saw it was a message from Evan. She squeezed her hands into a fist, then opened the message.
Sorry I had to jump off last night. I haven’t been able to reach my fiancé for the past few days, and she was finally online so I had to call.
Carla quickly typed back –
OMG. You don’t have to explain. No biggie, though I don’t know how anyone could leave you hanging.
Carla regretted sending the last part. “Flirting with an engaged guy. Great job.”
I knew you’d understand. She’s the reason I’m not reenlisting. We’re getting married and she doesn’t do well when I’m away. Anyway, I definitely want to see you when I get back. Not going to let anyone get between us. And the only thing my fiancé is jealous of is the Marines, lol. Have you dated anyone since your husband died? You never said how, by the way. You didn’t kill him did you?
Had anyone else said that Carla would have lost it, but she was just grateful for his ignorance. Carla typed back -
Someone else did, but I don’t really want to talk about it. When are you due stateside because I literally cannot wait to see you.
Evan replied – I would give anything to hug you right now…and see that beautiful smile of yours.
Carla’s heart raced; she tried to shake it off, when another message blipped through –
Ships in life, huh. You’ll always be just out of my reach.
Carla teared up as she typed – Least you’ll always find me. I gotta go Evan.
She forced the tears back and clicked through her matches.
Carla managed not to re-read Evan’s messages from two days ago, but the words scrolled through her mind. Even as she got ready for her first date in almost two years, she couldn’t stop wishing it was him she was going to meet. Carla examined herself in the long mirror. The red dress came down to her knees, but it was so tight she may as well have been naked. She’d decided to rock the afro but now wasn’t sure.
A vision of Marcos appeared behind her. “You’re hiding the best part,” the memory whispered. Then she couldn’t feel his finger trailing the side of her neck, and his lips as she lifted her hair into a pineapple. When she closed her eyes, James’s face appeared, then turned into Evan’s. She felt a twinge between her legs and opened her eyes.
“Junie. You’re going out with Junie tonight,” she told herself.
Carla gave herself the once over, then pushed through the door of the restaurant. She scanned the people in the waiting area until her eyes landed on a tall man in grey, fitted chinos and a white button up shirt. The pants accentuated his muscular thighs. And a great ass.
Carla exhaled, then breathed in sharply when he turned. She wasn’t sure if his perfect teeth or the bulge in his pants made her more excited. He moved toward her, his eyes locked in.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met in real life. ¡Dios mio!” he said, then lifted her hand between both his.
And just like that, the memories of the others evaporated.
No one else crossed her mind for the rest of the night. The date was perfect and ended with a tight embrace and a kiss on the cheek. Carla fought the urge to invite him back to her place. Don’t mess this up, Carla, she thought as she walked to her car. She turned back, hoping he had too, but he was looking at his phone. Carla sighed and turned around. Then, Junie turned back and watched her go to her car.
Carla’s phone dinged. It was a photo message from Junie. She held her breath. The message was a photo of a bowling alley with the caption – our next date, just let me know when. Carla squealed and slapped her thighs in a drum roll. When she got back to her cabin, she fell onto her bed, clothes, shoes, and all. She could barely catch her breath or stop smiling. Carla called up a mental image of Junie, the moments when she first laid eyes on him, when he turned and smiled in her direction, were seared into her memory.
“Please God, let me have him. Lo prometo. I will not mess this one up,” she said to herself.
Then, her phone vibrated – Evan was video calling.
To be continued…
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